I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
