How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When did angry sex become our thing?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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