You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
