After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
