Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
