Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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