someone owes me an orgasm
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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