She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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