Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
