Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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