the condom got lost in my hair
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
