Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
