she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
