Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
