Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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