Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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