So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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