So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he fucked my hip out of place.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
