I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
