Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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