I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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