it wasn't lemon gatorade
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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