2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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