SEEEEXXX PLEASE
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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