Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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