I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
