At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
