So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize