I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
