Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
