You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
