escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
