Got a toothbrush?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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