i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
