I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
