Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
