Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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