we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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