Even the bartender felt bad for me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
