two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
