he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
