She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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