Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
