the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
