I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
