Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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