u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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