So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
