Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
