Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
