I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
