I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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