Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
