ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
