True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
