All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
