i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
