Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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