I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
