He is an equal opportunity slut.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
