Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
