Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The uberlube is also flammable
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
