Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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