It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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