it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
