just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
