i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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