I'm lost and stupid without you.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
