Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
