Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
