I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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