At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
